As a vendor, now a client
Obviously wedding planning as a vendor myself is quite interesting. Not only am I a vendor, but my fiancé's older sister is a wedding planner as well, so talk about connections. However, planning a wedding is more than just connections. It's about planning the ultimate experience for you and your partner, no matter what it looks like. Everyone loves to throw around words like "timeless" and "candid" and "documentary", but I fear those words have started to lose their meaning. People want to create a memorable event, but forget what it makes to make something memorable, especially when you don't have a budget of $100k+. It's easier (I don't want to say easy, because money does not guarantee taste) to make a memorable event when you have the funds to go big, but lets be real, in today's economy, that is not always an option. People are also searching for this idea of creating an event that stands the test of time, but how do we do that when we exist in a very specific time? It constantly feels like that one scene in the "Devil Wears Prada" where Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep) is lecturing Andy (Anne Hathaway) about the illusion of choice stemming from the designers at the top of the fashion industry. Because really at the end of the day, the idea of creating something timeless is just that: another trend.
I feel like I see so many people on social media posting about how we need to stop this trend or start doing this instead, and my question to those people is: why does it matter? Something does not have to be trending to make it good, and the counterpoint, something trending does not make it bad. If someone wants to do something, they should just go and do it. I think we as a society got so fixated on creating these timeless events: where timeless means it "stands the test of time" or "you can't tell what year these photos were taken" and I do fear that is just so difficult. Instead, we should be focusing on creating something timeless, meaning it does not lose it's value over time. And let's be so real, it's a freaking wedding!! It will not lose value over time, and if anything, nostalgia will just make it that much better. For this reason, all I can say is, lean into what you want and how you can make that happen. You don't have to justify why you want something, especially when it comes to wedding planning. I think the only real justification you need to make comes in terms of budget, but that's not what I'm here writing about today.
While being a vendor saves me some stress because I am constantly surrounded by inspiration, it also gives me room to reflect on things. This year, I've worked almost 40 weddings, which is a LOT of weddings. To be present at that many weddings within the span of 7 months, means I've seen a lot of things. As annoying as it is to say, the most memorable events are always the most personal. So yes, I've made some mental notes about ideas at other weddings for things I would love to incorporate at my own wedding. I've also just been able to enjoy the creativity and love people pour into their own weddings. There have been similarities between my weddings for sure, but no two weddings this summer were the same because no two couples are the same. It's when couples lean into their personalities, that makes candid moments so much stronger as well. People tend to have more fun together when the event reflects them, and that makes for better candid photos.
For me personally? I am hitting up Pinterest and other places for inspiration, I won't lie. As a photographer, I do care about the aesthetics, and that's okay! It's okay to want a Pinterest-looking wedding, if that's what you want. However, I also know that my fiancé and I are not the most Pinteresty people, so there's a balance for sure. There are some decisions I am going to make that are purely aesthetic: florals, some decor elements, my own wedding dress. However, there's other elements that I am working with my fiancé to choose so that we are doing something we can both be excited about. He was very adamant about not doing a first look, which when I tell people, they ask how that makes me feel as a photographer, and honestly? It doesn't matter. I've done weddings with and without first looks, so as long as we set the right expectations, we'll be fine. Not doing a first look means we'll have to spend more time during cocktail hour to take photos together, and that's okay because that's what we want to do!! Because the traditional emotion of seeing each other for the first time down the aisle felt more exciting that trying to get an extra 30 minutes at cocktail hour, for us at least. This is just a snippet into some of our decisions, because, and I know I keep saying it, we are making decisions that make sense. for us and it does not mean it's the only good decision to be made.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with people that will help you plan a wedding that stays true to you. If that means it's just you and your partner planning a wedding together, do it! Finding the right vendors with a similar priority to you can also help you feel like you genuinely have the right team to pull off the perfect event. I am fortunate that my family and my fiancé's family understands our values and goals for our wedding, and they can support us to that goal. It's also incredible with my fiancé's older sister and her experience as a wedding planner because she can offer more insight as a planner and help us draw the line of what can be personal to us and what decisions we need to make because we are hosting a large event with many guests. This is why having the right vendors is so important because they will help you stay true to yourselves, while also ensuring you're planning something that flows smoothly and minimizes stress.
There's so much planning that goes in to a wedding. Surround yourself with people and vendors that encourage you to stay true to you, and don't let social media tell you what you shouldn't do. If you're excited about something, then you should be excited and make it happen!
